A True Legacy for our Youth

A few days back I saw the following posting on Facebook, which I reposted, and have thought a great deal about consequently: " We need to teach our daughters how to distinguish between a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her .... a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her .... a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly ..... a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her ..... a man who believes he is God's gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.....And we need to teach our boys to be THAT man.”  It captured a pre-occupation that I have had for several years now.  We live in a society that teaches our young men that women are something to be manipulated into sexual activity, dominated in life, and discarded when it is no fun anymore.  It has started teaching young women the same thing about how to treat young men.  Furthermore, it teaches women that they merely have to settle for the best that they can hope to get and, if anything, treat their boyfriend or spouse to be as a reclamation project, the human equivalent of a fixer-upper.  I have rarely seen this end well.  As I have told young couples in marriage preparation, “Marriage is not a magic wand that makes all the deficiencies of your future spouse evaporate into the ether.”    By the same token, a man who would not make a good husband will not make a good priest either.
    Our children get swamped with the negative messages about human relationships and sexuality.  The way to reverse the damage is a two pronged approach: to point out and limit their diet of a poisoned message and replace it with a healthy life giving message.  Our parish and our families must act in union with each other to accomplish this.
    On the parish level, we are doing the following.  As all our 9th graders are boys this year, we are using the book, “Be a Man” by Fr. Larry Richards as the text for their education this year.  The book is a great study on what being a Catholic man is about and how being a Catholic man directly effects everything, including how we, as men, treat and view women.  It encourages an embrace of manly virtue and a courageous and selfless lifestyle.  With our confirmation students, we are using Theology of the Body for Teens with Chris Everet to talk about the same issues in a way that they understand that their being a good Catholic reflects in every avenue of their life.   We gave the parents the parents’ handbook so that they may follow up what we do in class.   I cannot encourage this enough.  I am contemplating getting the Theology of the Body for Jr. High, so that we may be able to begin this positive life affirming message earlier.  If anyone would like to help pay for the program, which would be several hundred dollars, and help buy a copy of it for the parish library. I would greatly appreciate it.  The Theology of the Body for Teens is already in the parish library and is frequently out.  Each have a 10-12 lessons set of DVDs, parents guides, and workbook for the youth.  I started using the Theology of the Body for Marriage as the primary tool for our engaged couples.  I really believe that this positive message paired with what I have been saying from the pulpit will hopefully at least provide a lot of seed which we hope will take root.
    On the diocesan level, we began summer camps for our young men and women (camps Maccabee and Siena, respectively) to help our youth understand what it means to be a young Catholic woman or man.  The topic is often brought up in our youth rallies and Confirmation Reflection Days. We believe, as a diocese, that every cent invested in our diocesan youth is a cent invested in the well being of our youth and their futures.  The well being of their future directly effects all of us as these youth will provide the next generation of priestly, religious, and lay leaders.  Giving them all that we can to promote a healthy self-identity and a healthy way of treating one another only bodes well for our collective futures.
    As I alluded to earlier, parents must be partners with the Church in this.  When your children were baptized, you vocally accepted the responsibility of bringing them  in the ways of the faith.  This is more than giving them a set of data to memorize, but instructing them in a relationship based in the love of God and neighbor.  Parents should be and can be the most effective teachers in their children in the ways of the faith.  What is provided in the home will be one of the primary nourishments of our youth.  This means several things.  First, I would assume no loving parent would purposely feed their children poison, even if that poison tasted good.  Poison is poison regardless of the way it tastes. We have to monitor what our children ingest in this culture as most of it is poisonous.  For example, I can think of two shows off the top of my head that are or were very popular: Two and Half Men and Sex and the City, both built on the premise that the opposite sex is something to be manipulated, used, and dumped at will.  So many shows on TV have the same message as do many of our movies.  The same message is dominant in music, regardless of the genre.  A steady diet of these things does have an effect on our youth in showing them what the world considers normative behavior.  It can be no surprise that our youth will act out on these premises and find out that the consequences of that acting out cannot be wrapped up quickly and without lifelong harm.  I know it is not popular, but parents must be as vigilant with what their children entertain themselves with as much as they would with what their child eats.  Poison should be recognized for what it is and dealt with accordingly.
    Along these lines, we should make sure that our youth are warned about the great scourge that is pornography.  Pornography, by its very nature, teaches to reduce another human being to a thing for self-satisfaction.  It is a cancer.  Because of the internet, it is also all too readily available.  Pornography isn’t bad because the human body is something ugly and sinful, it is wrong because the human body is good and beautiful; pornography debases that beauty, robs the dignity of another (even if they are offering up that dignity), and teaches the person to turn themselves and others into nothing more than a means of pleasure.  It is a devastating lesson that has horrible long term results.  Parents should treat porn with the ferocity they would treat a criminal trying to break into their home to harm their children.  Porn can have no harbor in any Catholic home!  I know they may not like it, but monitor what your child sees on the internet.  There are far too many wolves more than happy to expose your children to truly awful things.
    What we teach our children is the legacy they will pass on to their children.  We should want what is best for them and protect them from what would harm them.  Let us work together towards this common good so that we raise godly young men and women.  No woman or man should have to settle for anything less that the dignity that God has created them to experience.   Let us protect that dignity and raise our youth to do the same.

Thoughts arising from an untimely death

This morning, we did at our school what we do every 1st Friday.  WE move the Blessed Sacrament from the Adoration Chapel were it sits waiting for those to come in for Perpetual Adoration, into the main church and onto the main altar.  During that time we make the opportunity for Confession for our grade school students as they come to spend some time in Eucharistic Adoration.  Since I take the visiting priest’s confessional, as a courtesy to the other priest that comes to help, I have only the option of anonymous (behind the screen).  Occasionally, a student will come in and step around the screen.  That happened more than a few times today.  One of the young men came around and stared right into my eyes the whole time.  I was a bit taken aback.  It was nothing he did.  Last night I read an obituary of a young man from a former parish who had died in a freak tractor accident.  They had a picture of the young man, and I swear, the boy standing in front of me could have been him 10 years ago.  My head has been in the wake service of the young man to which I went a few days back.  I had this sudden urge to take the boy, wrap him in bubble wrap, and tell his parents to never let him out of their sight.  This preoccupied my mind as each student came in.  The young man who had died had been in my instruction at one time.  He was a fine young man who was mature and wise beyond his years more often than not. When I looked into the eyes of his parents at the wake and saw two people who had just lost their only son and just looked weary, it broke my heart.  When I saw his grandmother, a very dear sweet woman, who also looked so very tired, and saw his aunt, who couldn’t stop crying, it just was heart wrenching.  Although the pastoral care of this family belonged to another, these were people I cared about and to see them in such pain was troubling.

Of course, we can’t bubble wrap our children and keep them forever at our sides.  They grow.  We always pray that they grow strong and wise and live up to their full potentials as human beings and as people of faith.  We have to count on their learning those lessons well and being ready to answer for  how they lived their lives when their day comes to pass from this world.  We will fidget and groan as we watch them make mistakes and even mess their lives up entirely.  But there is always a hope that tomorrow they will come to their sense.  As this death this week reminded me, as does every funeral I have, all of us will come to a point where today is the last day of our life.  So what do we do with it? We’ll not be able to pass though our days here without experiencing some pain, disappointment, and grief.  It is part of life. It occurred to me this evening as I was pray Evening Prayer that while do not have any real control over when or how we die, we do have tremendous control over how we live.  I got to thinking about what I would say to every student I have had over the years.  It would go something like this.

I really believe that every single person that has ever been born has the deep inset desire to be remembered; a consequence of having made one’s mark in the world.  What will be your mark?  Will it be positive, negative, or barely visible?  Will it change other people’s lives for the better or will other people be sorry they ever met you?  I do not think anyone wants to be the person that makes other people’s lives hellish, but so often will do so because it is easier that make another person’s life better.  You were born into this world, created by God, to make other people’s lives better and be a positive force for good.  I know that is hard because it requires you to be selfless and exhibit self-control.  I know the temptations to be selfish and out of control are overwhelming.  I  cannot speak to being a young lady, but I can to being a young man.  I know the temptation to strip the dignity away from a woman is ever present.  I know society expects you to be promiscuous even if it later condemns you for doing so.  I know you are told over and over again that you have to rely on your physical prowess in sports to get anywhere in life.  I know you are told that religion is for the stupid, for children, or for the women…but that men do not need a God other than themselves.  I know you are tempted to party hard, drink hard, ingest whatever mind altering substance happens to be around.  I know you are told to ignore whatever emptiness might come from this.  I know as you get older that the definition of success comes from the accrual of power and wealth. I know you struggle with wanting to be a real man in a world that is quite content for you to remain a boy.  Boys are easy to control.  I know it because I have been there or still get tempted towards these things.  I know it sucks and that it easier to give into rather than rise above it.

Remember, though, each of us is only given one chance at this life.  We don’t get to redo it.  What we have at the end of our lives is the finished product of our lives; an accumulation of our choices.  Choose wisely, knowing that you are held responsible for what you do.  Be selfless, courageous, and strong.  Do not waste your life on numbing it.  Make your mark in such a positive way as to make a permanent positive change.  God gives you so many graces, charisms, talents, and abilities for this purpose; He expects a return on His investment.  Be thankful for the blessings in your life; never allow envy or greed be what motivates you.  Protect the dignity of those around you, don’t rip it away through lust.  Treat your life and your faith as the precious gifts they are.  While you gave neither of these to yourself, you are responsible for how you develop them. Please stay away from risky and dangerous behavior!  In 14 years I have buried far too many young men and women and had to witness the crushing and haunting look of an inconsolable parent, mourning the loss of their child.  I can assure you, that look will stay with you for awhile.  So many times the deaths were completely avoidable.  There are many people out there that actively care about you and are concerned for your well being; people who want to see each one of you grow up into a great and strong adult.  I know, because I am one of them.

You have to want this for yourself. I know this.  I have tried to fill the void we are born with so many things that the world says will work, but don’t.  I have tried money, power, drinking, and other things to fill the void and they failed.  I know faith has provided for me not only a firm foundation from which I can weather any storm and find comfort in the bleakest of moments, but helps me to become all that I am created to be.  The man who has faith has nothing to fear, not even death.  Faith is all that we get to take with us past this life, where our faith is and how we actively allowed it to be developed will be shown in how we acted.  Choose well.  May each person who reads live a long happy life. Be all that you are created to be and do not allow any fear of any person rule you.  In the end you are answerable to God and God alone.  May each of you hear when that time comes :“Well done my good and faithful servant.”

Same Base, Different Building: Priest, Husband, Dad

18 years ago next week, I re-entered the seminary.  I say re-enter because I had left twice before, the 2nd of those two times I left in such anger that I swore I would never enter the grounds of a seminary in my life again.  I really need to watch my use of absolutes.  My re-entrance was less than spectacular; an act of reluctance and hoping once and for all that someone would tell me that priesthood was not my calling.  After a semester in which I piled on damage upon myself, I went home for Christmas break and ran into my ex who informed me that we could pick up where we left off; she was a wonderful young lady whom I could see myself marrying and fathering a large family with.  When I left for St Louis again it was to pack up and come back to New York.  I knew in my heart that what I was doing was selfish and coming from a reluctance to commit.  But at the heart of that reluctance was a very deep question: Why would I feel so drawn to marriage and family life yet also feel called to the priesthood?  They seemed mutually exclusive terms.  The retreat was immediately after Christmas break and out of my generosity to God (I'm kidding) I gave Him the retreat as an opportunity to convince me to stay.  Archbishop Harry Flynn (then the Bishop of Lake Charles [or was it Lafayette] in Louisiana..later Archbishop of St Paul) gave the retreat.  He was a former seminary rector of Mt St Mary in Emmitsburg MD.  He was awesome.  During one of his conferences, he offered opportunity for 1 on 1 meetings.  I took him up on the invitation.  My question was simple:  How could I feel such a draw to the priesthood and marriage at the same time?  His answer was simple and has taken me years to fully understand: "If you would not make a good husband or dad, you will not make a good priest.  It is the same foundation, different building." This response, by the way, would give birth to what would become Camp Maccabee.

Archbishop Flynn was absolutely right.  I have come to appreciate that in greater ways as I continue to mature in the priesthood of Jesus Christ.  The same foundation consists of (and this is not an exhaustive list) the following: an ability to commit to something other than oneself, the courage to stand up for what is good and right and protect against what is not, the ability to stand one's ground, the ability to put those placed in your care first, the willingness to sacrifice and even suffer for those placed in your care, the ability to be a man of God and a man of prayer, the ability to provide what is good, and the willingness to give example by word and deed.  Although these traits are not exclusively masculine, no man can be a man at all without them.

In marriage preparation, I remind couples that when they commit themselves to each other in marriage, they are from that point putting the other first.  Jobs and careers, money and power, prestige and reputation, friends, extended family and even children come after their commitment to each other.  That primary bond influences and enriches all their other relationships.  After God, the relationship of their mutual bond as husband and wife comes first.  For my life as a priest, the same is true.  After God, my full commitment and duty is bound to the People of God and the Catholic Church.  My commitment to them must come first at all times.  As much as a husband and wife are called to profoundly self give for the sake of the other, so I as a priest am called to give myself totally for the good of the Church.  As a priest that means that ministry always comes first.  As a pastor, that means those placed under my pastoral care have the full right to attention, charity, sacramental ministry, and instruction.  That extends to other duties to which I am assigned.  It is as bad for a priest to see pastoral ministry as a burden as it is for a husband to see his wife as 'the old ball and chain'.  A man who lives for himself and his needs is no more suited for priesthood than he is for marriage!

There is a reason why parishioners call their priests 'Father'.  It is a term acknowledging the responsibility that this man has within the parish.  A good father provides what is good and true for their children.  He protects them from what would harm them.  He realizes that he is not his child's buddy, but his dad, which means he will have to challenge behavior, correct behavior, but provide an righteous alternative as well.  A good dad is interested in making his children into good men and women who will have a solid foundation  for life.  He looks out for the spiritual, physical, and mental well being.  He provides, with his wife, a rock solid foundation for his children to grow into outstanding adults.  everything I have just said about a dad applies fully to a priest.  I have to be as vigilant and wise with my parishioners as a good dad is with his children.  Both of us get the ability to do this from the same source: the grace of God. This grace gives us the base to be the Person of Christ within our respective calls.  Neither a dad nor a priest is called to be an overlord; children are not the dad's serfs, parishioners are not the pastor's serfs.

There is such a need for both good husbands/dads and good priests.  In our commitment phobic society, it is getting harder to find either.  A lack of commitment is usually a very nasty sign of a present reality within oneself, the trait of selfishness.  For men (or women for that matter as well) selfishness shows a profound lack of maturity.  Boys are selfish...men are not.  Men look beyond themselves to the need of others...boys don't.  There are a lot of a lot of chronologically older men who are still boys.  They cannot commit and will abandon the commitments they make when they become challenging or difficult.  We need better.

Camp Maccabee was formed to address these things while the young men were still young.  It was formed to give them the tools to help guide them from the destructive selfishness of boyhood into the selfless bravery of manhood.  We speak of honor, respect, self-control, and holiness as the keys for a firm foundation regardless of the particular vocation to which they may be called.  Why?  The same foundation is needed either way.  Those four traits must be driven into young men by their parents as well...especially sons from their dads.  If we are to look into the future with any sense of hope about the state of the Church and the state of the married life, it will come from our cooperating with the grace of God and helping our young men to be men...not boys of this world but men of God.

The Feast of the Transfiguration

Today is the Feast of the Transfiguration.  AS I was celebrating Mass this afternoon, the words of Sacred Scripture, both in the 2nd reading and gospel, recount the words of the Father directed to Peter, James, and John: This is my Beloved Son in whom I am well pleased. Listen to Him.  By extension, those words are extended to all of those who call themselves Christians...each one of us.  The Father had to tell these apostles this because they were not listening to Jesus who repeatedly told them what Kingdom He had come to establish.  They were looking for a kingdom of this world in which they would hold privileged positions of power.  Jesus had told them this was not what He came to do.  They were on their way to Jerusalem, sure that finally now would come the establishment of a new Davidic earthly kingdom.  When seeing the Transfigured Christ with Moses and Elijah, they saw a way to back their plans.  The booths of which Peter speaks are to put Jesus on display to convince others of His divinity and right to start this new world order.  The Father makes it clear that such is not His will.

We cannot wag our fingers too hard at the disciples though.  All too often, we busy the vast majority of our time, energy, and resources building kingdoms for ourselves here and now.  We look for ease, wealth, influence, and reputation here and now as if this is all that there is.  We build kingdoms bound for destruction, for our death will wipe out any tenuous hold we had on any of these kingdoms. What then?  Will we face a true kingdom that we have largely ignored and only mildly prepared for?  When we limit our faith to 45-60 minutes a Sunday (when there is nothing else better to do, it is the right time, it is the right priest) and think that this is all we need to do..then perhaps it is time to listen to Jesus.  He is not looking for a relationship of convenience, but for a lifelong eternal relationship which influences everything we are.  Too many times we see religion as a set of data to be memorized and not as a template for a relationship with God and with one another.  WE can get so wrapped up in what we want that we bypass what we need. It is easy to do.

Several years back, I came upon the song "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse.  When I first heard it, it hit me hard.  Like everyone else, I struggle with building an earthly kingdom and forgetting about God.  I was reminded that I cannot focus on my kingdom and still expect the Kingdom of heaven.  My time in this life tells God very clear whose kingdom I am concerned about and to which kingdom I dedicate myself.  When I focus on my kingdom, I essentially tell God that my kingdom is better.  If I am to expect any true share in heaven, my actions, attitudes, priorities, and focus had better speak to this.  Jesus gave us a way of life.  He did not do this because He wanted to simply give just another option to follow if it suits us.  He did it because this way of life says clearly that I do wish to enter into that eternal relationship with God.  So, are you ready to surrender all?  Are you willing to stop building a temporary kingdom and start living for a lasting one?  Can you hear and follow the words of the Father, "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.  Listen to Him!"?  It is hard to do, I know this.  I struggle with it every day.  However, it is soemthing God gives us the grace and ability to do.

A Happy Kind of Tired

This last week, I and 12 campers and 10 other staff took off for the far corner of the Diocese of Jefferson City down in Hickory County for the 3rd annual Camp Maccabee.  This camp was founded to instill a strong sense of Catholic masculinity in our future generations.  In the back of my mind, for years, has been a question that has stemmed from priestly ministry: how do we prepare our youth for being a Catholic adult in a world that is quite content to keep them children?  Now, I know nothing about being a woman...but being a man in this world, that I know a bit about.  On a chance, I was driving with Fr Dave Veit down in the Steeleville area of Missouri and we got to talking about camps and he mentioned there was this rustic resort, Eaglehurst Ranch, run by Catholics and with a Catholic ethos about it and we got to talking about wouldn't it be great to have a camp there to center on Catholic Masculinity.  WE talked to Fr Joe Corel, vocation director of the diocese and the unnamed camp was born.

The camp's name was important.  It sets the tone.  I scanned my memory for men who exhibited great virtue and strength in the face of incredible odds.  I remembered the story from the Old Testament of Judas Maccabeus.  Judas' father, Matthias, has started the Hasmonean Revolt against the Greeks who were looking to completely destroy any and all foreign cultures within the empire, including Judaism.  Judas became the revolt's greatest and first general who not just fought the Greek armies but recaptured Jerusalem and fixed up the temple after it had been desecrated.  In my mind, I saw our secular society as much against both our Catholic Identity and against classical masculinity.  I was seeing this in wedding preparations with overgrown boys and the women who were settling for them, in annulment proceedings where the couple found out the wedding wasn't a magic wand that made immaturity disappear,  and it seminary recruitment and seeing just the overall lack of maturity.  Something had to change and our young men needed a way to understand the call God gives us as men.  The name Camp Maccabee and its mission were fully born.

Both Fr Joe and I had read John Eldridge's books (Wild at Heart) and thought that we could surely give it a Catholic flavor and run with its themes.  IN the first two years we focused on the 4 cardinal virtues.  This year we focused on honor, respect, self-control and holiness as the essential traits of a good Catholic man.  The days were to be filled with outdoor activities and the nights with a retreat aspect.  The campers go to Mass, the summit of our grace and strength, every day.  We pray the Liturgy of the Hours (Morning and Evening Prayer, Compline).  They have a holy hour in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament with Confessions available.  They learn that to be a true man is to be a man of God and a man of prayer. 

I have just returned from our third summer of this camp.  It was awesome.  WE changed the venues.  The young men went on a float trip, learned to tie flies and fly fish, went to Camp Windmere ( a Baptist Camp that is awesome...why can't we have something like that?) and did exercises in trust and zip-lining.  They heard talks on the four above mentioned topics and also on Christian Courtship and Theology of the Body.  The staff and campers bonded well; all in all a great experience.  But as we were out in 100+ degree heat at times, it is a bit exhausting.  Today I am feeling that happy kind of tired; the kind that comes from seeing God's Spirit powerfully in play and allowing myself to be challenged by the talks as well.  I am already looking forward to next year!